Coffee Room: Relationship Issues

This is the first relationship series of the Coffee Room Segment.  Let’s open the floor with some discussions on relationships.  Ladies and fellas, I want to hear from you.  My first topic is dealing with arguments and what makes them escalate to unspeakable levels?  My next topi of discussion will be on marriage — deciding to get married again and whether or not you making the right decision.  The third topic will be divorcing the other spouse and procrastinating.  Doesnt matter the order, and you can reply directly to this post or email me at apoeticflow@gmail.com and I will post your comment here.

Let’s go…

 

Relationships: He Wants to Marry You but Won’t Finalize the Divorce Papers from the Other Woman

I am going to open this up with a case scenario.  Who can relate to this?

Case Scenario:  He wants to marry her, but he is still technically married to his child’s wife — AND — they have been separated over 25 years with no legal separation or divorce ever being file. He has filed the divorce papers seven months after you filed your papers, and has an excuse every time she ask him why he hasn’t had her served.  He says, “I want to give her a courtesy call,” even though she knows the forms are coming and is welcoming them to sign them to finally be released from that one tie that binds them together.   She wonders why is he dragging his feet?  Why is he purposely staying connected to her?  The child is grown and living his own life, married, and about to start a family of his own.  His wife has long since moved on with her life, been involved in several relationships.  He keeps in close communication with her on social media networks and knows everything that goes on in her life that she posts.  It raises alarms with her and can’t speak on it because he snaps off at her every time.   She is thinking on how to handle this?  She wants to marry him but can’t compete with whatever it was he and his wife had.

I have a couple of questions about this.

My first question is why does he want to give his need-to-be ex-wife a courtesy call?  What the hell is that all about?  The two of them have been living separate lives for years now, not involved with each other except for the life and health of the child who is nearing his 30’s.  Their only level of communication should ONLY be about their son and nothing more.  Ok, maybe her health — and that’s it.  They should not be talking about the old days when they were together, how things were, how great their lives were, because if their lives were so great they would have never separated to begin with, right?

My second question is if he wants to marry her so much like he claims, why isn’t he breaking his neck to finally terminate that marriage?  He filed the papers.  Why is it going on two months that he has not served her?

This is pretty much like my situation.  My divorce will be final on July 29, 2015.  I became a heartless bitch when I filed the divorce papers.  I did not care what my soon-to-be ex-husband was going through in his life.  I wanted it done and over with.  I was nice enough to give him a chance to do this right, make it an equal process on both our parts, but then he wanted to act like the child that he is and stop communicating, and even his wife whom I reached out to woman to woman was totally and absolutely clueless.  So I pressed on, finished the process, had him served, and in April of this year I signed my final judgement papers and got my date when my divorce will be final.

Something like this I don’t mess around with.  Should I have done it sooner?  Of course, but this time the opportunity to divorce him presented itself and I jumped on it.  My guy is dragging his feet.

Me:  Have you talked to her?

Him:  No.  She’s been going through some stuff…Our son’s been sick…She’s been crying about stuff on Facebook…

I left the room.  It irritated me because it’s going on two months next months that his papers have been filed and he’s not had her served.  Me being me, I would not care except for their son being sick, but everything else, I would have overlooked what she’s going through and served her.  It is only going to drag on for another six months, then we’ll be in 2016 and still no divorce.  I will be a divorced woman waiting and waiting for him to get the brick out of his behind and serve her.  Me being divorced, I will be free to move on and find someone who will want to marry me, but do I really want to break in somebody new?  People are crazy now a days.

To add salt to the wound, he has not even told his mother and sister and the rest of his family.  My family knows…they knew right after he asked me.  I still have a huge problem with that.  I don’t have patience to wait, and yet my patience is constantly being tested.  I am going to see how long this goes and then decide what I want to do.