Ok. So, you go through an argument. You air out what the problem is or have been, or what is still going on. You want it to be over with but he wants to drag it out. You make yourself sick because now you’re thinking, “I did nothing wrong.” But in his mind one mistake equates to everything you’ve done wrong in the past. At some point you have to grow beyond what the issues were in the past otherwise no one can move forward in the relationship. And unless you take a stand he is going to think he can keep treating you that way and making you feel like he’s always going to be in the right and you’re going to be wrong no matter what you do or say.
Life is too short to be bickering over petty stuff. If you’re not cheating on each other, blowing your money on other people other than each other, loving and caring for other people other than each other, then somebody’s priorities are out of place.
When is it enough? Nobody wants to walk around mad all day, not speaking to each other. And even if you act like everything is OK between you, and the problem has not been open addressed, the problem is still going to be there because no one has said I’m sorry. I said I was sorry and was told, “APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED!” So I was like, WTF! It made me start to realize that perhaps this is not the life for me. I cannot move myself forward if I am going to keep getting beat down by the past every time I make a mistake or forget to do something. No one should have to go through that. And it’s a clear sign that the person you’re with does not want to let the go of the past.
Case Scenario: Sally came home one evening from work. The bath towels were piled high in the laundry basket. She was already planning on doing her laundry because she needed work clothes, and other things washed. She pulled out everything and began sorting what she was going to wash including putting the towels in their own piles. She scooped up the towels deciding to wash them first. Her husband, for some reason or another decided to get involved — telling her how to gather up all the towels at once without dropping. He did not like that she was laying them over her arm, which was making it easier for her. He laid out one big towel and put the rest on top and took them out to the wash room. Ok, she thought. She grabbed the laundry soap and followed after him. When she got to the washing machine where he had put the towels in, he went back inside then a few minutes later came back with some towels she forgot to grab out of the bathroom, snapping at her as she was putting the laundry soap in. “You need to go and sit down…” taking the laundry soap away from her and telling her she forgot the towels. Now she is wondering what happened in just that short period of time for him to have gotten short fused. It irritated her tha she refused to speak to him the rest of the evening.
A few weeks later, she come home from work and saw that he had done laundry and had washed the bathroom towels. Ironically, he left three towels hanging in the shower. Sally’s first mind was to flip on him about it, but then she thought better of it and wanted to be the bigger person — not stooping to his level. She left it alone, but thought about it the whole time — how she could have acted the way he had.
Was it just the towels that set him off? Or was it something else? Now these are just petty things that people can go through and it makes you wonder with some of these men what goes through their head when they act like this.
When do you think you’ve had enough of foolishness? At what point do you say you can’t put up with the petty bickering? At what point do you stand up and let him know you are not going to tolerate being his whipping post whenever he wants to get a bug up his ass and come at you with crap that can be easily be talked about like civil adults? This will be my next topic of discussion in the Coffee Room Series, and fellas I will open the floor for you to chime in with your thoughts. Stay tuned.
Real Talk Daily 